My “baby”, Nicklas (the first of the penis people children),  recently lost his very first tooth….and its about damn time.  I was beginning to think he was going to go from baby teeth to dentures with nothing in between.   You know how it goes…once that first one pops out, the rest follow pretty quickly.  The 2nd tooth was primed and ready to follow its pearly little friend….Unfortunately, this happened during a particularly doughy slice of pizza.  One moment Nicklas and I were shooting the shit about his day at school and some bizarre story about spaceships and aliens….and the next, I noticed there was a blank space where once a little tooth had been.

While I’m typically a little slow on the uptake at that hour of the day, it didn’t take me long to deduce that poor Nicklas had swallowed his tooth.  First there was the explanation that there is no danger to his health in swallowing a tooth.  No, it won’t get stuck in there….No, it can’t slice your tummy open by accident…..Yes, it will come out in your poop just like corn.  Finally, the look of horror left his eyes and he broke in to a grin!  He’s always been just a little fascinated by the fact that you EAT corn and then it makes a subsequent visit just a little later on.  So the idea that he might one day very soon peer into the potty and spot…..A TOOTH!….had him woozy with excitement.

Now, I LOVE the shit outta this kid (pun totally intended).  I will happily hold him while he vomits all over me…I will cheerfully help him clean himself up when he’s had exploding diarrhea and couldn’t quite run quickly enough to the bathroom…I will blissfully  scrub the little shart stains outta his tiny lil briefs while whistling a catchy tune.  I will NOT, however, root through his shit in search of a missing tooth……or a missing anything for that matter.  I can literally think of nothing important enough to perform THAT type of task.

Nicklas was terrified that the tooth fairy would be angry with him and refuse to leave any reward for his very demanding job of standing/sitting/lying there losing teeth.  And so I placed a quick and quiet call to my wonderful SIL.  We made arrangements for a friend of hers to play the role of Fairy of the Teeth and listen to the explanation and then assure the lad that all would be A-OK.  Nicklas called and explain he did….in that GREAT detail that only a six year old story teller can accomplish.  She assured him it happens all the time and NO, she did NOT want him to locate the tooth for her, clean it up and put it under his pillow anyway.  He thanked her immensely and then told her to fly safely and be careful of cats who might just mistake her for a flying mouse and try to eat her.  And then he hung up on her…..You know how it is with boys sometimes….when the conversation is done…its DONE!