Today, the sun was all shiny and shit…birds were chirping and the temperature had miraculously climbed above 50 degrees again…Time to take the small penis people outdoors to blow the stink off of them. 

Santa (aka mommy and the penis person who created the other penis people) got Nicklas and Joshua a trampoline for Christmas.  After a grueling battle to the death where it was man -vs- metal, Jeff finally managed to get the damn thing up and operable on Saturday.  Since then, I’m happy to report that Nicklas doesn’t want to come indoors.  I think he’d happily pull up a sleeping bag and sleep on the damn thing if I’d let him. 

Joshua, on the other hand, was slightly apprehensive at first.  And who can blame him…..when you’re the smallest penis person in the house and someone (mom) plops you in the middle of this giant circle of death and wishes you good luck, while your older brother bounces maniacally from end to end laughing wickedly all the way….well…who could possibly blame him for being a bit petrified??  This is the stuff that nightmares and PTSD are made of.

After a few days…both boys carved out their territory on the circle of death…….minus the pissing to mark their territory, thank God.  Nicklas likes to bounce and run in cirlces (ADHD kicks ASS!) and Joshua is content in the middle, where Nicklas’s psychotic bouncing from the edge actually becomes quite soothing to him.

So today, I decide to join the boys in the trampoline….I say IN because it is a 15 foot circle enclosed by a wonderful little device of steel poles and netting in order to keep the tots safe.  Think UFC Octogon or WWE Cage match.  Up til now, I’ve watched from the outer sanctum, enjoying a moment or two of not one single penis person hanging off any of my limbs.  I wasn’t in any way threatened by this behemoth.  I was just enjoying my quiet time. 

Anyway, I bounced with Joshua for a moment or two, until Nicklas innocently talks me in to a game of dodge ball, trampoline style.  There were, apparently, no rules to this particular game.  It was simply throw the balls at mom’s face and head until she crys uncle.  At one point, I’d just had it with all the fun and games and refused to play any longer.  At this point, Nicklas went all WWE wrestling on me and ran from one end of the trampoline to the other, bouncing himself off the safety net, arm outstretched, taking me out and knocking me down in the process……I gotta hand it to him though, it was a stellar move that I would have really applauded had it not been performed on ME!

In a kick-me-while-I’m-down move, it was right about then that Joshua toddled over and flung himself on top of me and then promptly bit my arm and laughed.  I was getting my ass kicked by two small penis people…..fruit of my loins….my BABIES!!!  How could this be……but to be honest, I’ve honestly never been prouder of the tenacity of those wonderful little penis people.  Momma has obviously taught them well…….fight hard and fight dirty and always leave ’em begging for mercy!

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