and now I’ve come to the realization that I’ve created two of them….

Its always been assumed that when a dad is awarded with a beautiful little baby girl, she will have him wrapped around her pinky finger for all eternity.  She is crowned a Daddy’s girl and is expected to be showered with his effection.    Everyone says “awwww…she’s just a cute little daddy’s girl” and chalk up all her evil princess tendancies to the fact that she is, IN FACT, daddy’s princess. 

On the flip side, when a mom is gifted a wonderful cherub of a baby boy, he will forever become the new “man” in her life and everyone will tsk-tsk at how over indulgent she is.  She will undoubtedly pamper and coddle him far more than, apparently, is necessary.  Her beloved son will be teased mercilessly about his tethers of apron strings and and umbilical cords.  Everyone will blame his every shortcoming and failures on the fact that he’s “just a mommma’s boy”.

I myself, if I’m being quite honest here, have been guilty of the blantantly pummeling my young brother with verbal beatdowns about his momma’s boy status.  My sister and I happily take turns making his silly ass rue the day that mom began showering him with affection.  Every time his life seemed unrealistically easier than ours, we blamed his seemingly mystical spell on our mom.  And we made him pay for it dearly, as only evil older sisters can.  Those bitches Cinderella was related to had NOTHING on my sister and I.

I later turned my sights on my then-boyfriend (turned husband).  I humiliated him with taunts of the momma’s boy variety.  Every time he spoke kindly of his mother, I gave him shit about it and accused him of failing to have any  loyalties to me.  When he was tense and uneasy about moving out of her house and living alone, I shamed him in to making a decision quickly without considering that she maybe needed him there as much as he wanted to be there.  I  took that opportunity to remind him that he was beginning to resemble all those psuedo-mommas’ boys who’d made their “apartments” in their mothers’ basements and began killing women because they had momma issues.   I called him “momma’s boy” so frequently that I’m only to assume some people may have actually suspected that this might very well be Jeff’s given name.    Or they quite possibly marveled at what a nice boy was doing with a wicked bitch like me.

Up to the day we married, and for a very long while after, I made him chose sides, believing each time he half heartedly chose mine, I drew him further away from HER, the epitome of the “other woman”.  I callously labeled her his “s’mother” and often referred to her as such in his presence.   I viewed my MIL as the enemy.   I just didn’t get it……how could a MAN be so damn fucking close to HIS MOTHER, for God’s sake.  I dubbed Jeff the  President  Of The Mommas’ Boys Club….My little brother was assigned as VP.  And my sister and I continued to harass them both endlessly at every gathering of the two families hence forth.  I’m pretty certain we were sufficiently and insanely obnoxious bitches.

Until the very moment that she and I each gave birth to tiny mommas’ boys of our own…..After her son was born 15 years ago, our raucous mockery grew dimmer and weaker with each family gathering.  When my first small penis person came along years later, we’d all but experienced a self imposed gag order.  It honestly wasn’t nearly as amusing and entertaining as it once was.  However, I think what was really going on was we both knew we were on the precipace of reaping what we’d sowed.   We were about to be paid back in SPADES all the torment we’d imposed on my brother and Jeff.

And so, as karma has ensured, she and I both have mommas’ boys of our own to raise.  Her’s tries desparately to avoid her kisses and affection and PDAs.  She sits wounded, wondering why he can’t manage a small hug for her in front of his friends (and the girls that he’s interested in). 

Mine, only 6 yrs old,  still sits on my lap and lets me lavish him with love and affection and snuggles….until he declares that “this love fest is over NOW Mom” and goes off to battle his Transformers.  And my MIL…..she sits silently with a very intensely smug look on her face while I cuddle my two sons and tell them out loud that no woman will EVER love them more than I do and then quietly hope they will be gay so I don’t have to share their affection with any other woman.  And as crazy as all of this makes me sound (and sometimes FEEL), I totally GET the whole unbelievable thing that happens when a mother is gifted a son.

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