Ok, I posted a bitch about this about a year ago on MWDAS.  It was one of those days when I was elbow deep in baby shit and Jeff thought that would be an ideal moment to palm my ass.  Unable to properly defend myself…I was forced to endure the groping with only a angry grimace on my face.  I can only report that not much has changed in one years time.  Now, I love the head penis who created the other penises.  Without launching in to a whole lotta unwanted details…we have a very energetic sex life.  So why does he act like an oversexed hormonal teenager with permanently erect timber??  To listen to him whine, one might get the impression that I withhold sex on a regular basis….one would be completely and utterly wrong, by the way.

He works midnights and has lost all sense of the concept that everyone else is on a complete differenet interal clock than he.  He, without a doubt, believes that since HE is available for nooners….so shall I be.  Which, in theory, is a wonderful idea.  Who wouldn’t want to lounge in bed, pre and post coital, basking in the glow, not a single care in the world and nothing causing a sense of haste.  But the reality of the situation is that, as a SAHM, I have a very specific set of things that need to be done to maintain a home that is suitable for family life and will stave off the need to call child protective services.  Between the errands and the mountains of laundry and the never ending baby care and the toilets to scour and the……..you get the idea…..I don’t feel all sex kitten-ish at noon…or any other random time of the day, as a matter of fact.  It is, in fact, quite difficult to make the transition from housewife to hooker on a moments notice. I need a little more than a “look” and a wink to drop trou and head to the boudoir. The things I need to put me ripe for the plucking, sadly, we don’t have time for.   Momma has an actual list of shit that needs to be done….and doing him is not on that specific list.  Not today…and not likely tomorrow either.

So the dilemma I face, often, is how to let him down nice and easy.  Because he likes to turn all bitch and act like now I’ve insulted his manhood with my rejection.  What he doesn’t see is that it not rejection because I don’t give a shit…..its rejection based solely out of necessity to get other shit done.  I know its not real romantic to schedule sexual encounters on a calender (nor would it be good for other folks to SEE it on the calender, which is in a pretty central location)…but seriously, when it comes to love in the afternoon, if I don’t know about it prior to the actual request, its not likely going to happen…..like, sincerely, I can’t say that enough….its NOT going to happen.

So back to today….head penis person is feeling pretty passionate.  I can spot that damn look on his face about a mile out.  He gets this stupid gaze on his face that’s part serial killer/part Hugh Heffner.  He also does a voice that is SO not like his other, real, voice.  Its actually kinda low and irritating, cause he makes it hard to hear him.  Penis person declares that he will be sleeping all nekkid today, should I care to join him.  I was like “wow, that should be some comfy sleeping with these warm temps, have fun with that!”  Joke failed…..he immediately looks hurt.  Shuts down and stomps off to pout (or take care of business, shit, I really don’t care which at this point).  Now, you would think once deterred, conversation over!  Nope, he was pretty dilegent on this particular day.  As I sat rocking our wee penis person to sleep, he indicated that maybe, just maybe, once I got lil man to sleep we could “have a quickie”.  Ummmm…..first, there is absolutely nothing about this that sounds even remotely interesting to me at this point, never mind his stellar delivery of the option.  And then he plops his ass down on the couch to WAIT!!!!  Yep, I am dead fucking serious…So, I proceeded to tickle and pinch (not hard, for the love of God don’t call CPS) and nuzzle my wee penis person in a vain attempt to delay his sleepiness and provide myself a built in excuse for reprieve from any booty duties.  Hubby finally gave up and took his not-so-happy ass to bed.  I didn’t put Joshua down in his crib til I heard the sounds of snoring creeping under the closed bedroom door.

Baby down….husband dissuaded and snoring…..time to get my list out and kick the shit outta it…….right after I check in with friends on facebook!!!!!!

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