You would think that this would just be a given.  We’re all in the same boat and each should, in theory, be able to understand the stress that comes with being a mom. But in every facet of life, in any given situation, many moms seem to do the exact opposite….they tear one another down copiously and seem to find tremendous delight in a fellow moms misery.

I have a friend whom I’ve known practically most of my entire childhood life.  She has, very recently, been faced with a challenge that would make any person’s head spin.  In an effort to clear up misconceptions and complete lies, she attempted to clarify several erroneous facts and made a valiant attempt to intelligently explain her side of things…….and was promptly and unilaterally met with venomous hatred and moronic questioning of her morals and value system and, frankly, the exact opposite of support.  There have been far too many who question her stellar mothering skills and equally stellar character as a mom.  They hold her accountable for things that are far beyond her control.  What these hateful people fail to realize is that even a super mom can’t be every where…..every moment…..of every….single….day.  Sometimes we need to take a moment to sleep or piss or just take a deep breath and regroup.  And sometimes, much to our chagrin, things are just positively beyond our control.  We don’t like and there is nothing we can do about it but pick up the pieces and find a way to move on.  And you certainly don’t need a fellow mom to make you feel shitty about yourself in a warped effort to find herself feeling better about HERSELF.

It makes me sad to see mothers degrading one another when the proverbial chips are down.  Our lives are harried enough and the last thing we need is to turn on one another.  In a perfect world, we mothers would have one another’s back and shamelessly defend one another against all odds.  Instead, in our society, we seem to be far too busy pointing out another’s imagined short comings and broadcasting that hate far and wide.  In the age of the internet, where you can pass judgement and comment without facts….without retribution and be completely nameless and unknown, it seems to have progressively gotten worse.  I’ve been a member on several message boards for moms that turned icey at the mere mention of the possibility of even the slightest attestment of less than perfect parenting.  And to be clear, one moms idea of perfect parenting is not necessarily another moms idea of perfect parenting.

If one mom shares that she opted NOT to breastfeed, the absolute LAST thing she needs is to hear how she is willingly causing detriment to her child and should be ashamed to be so selfish.  If a mom confesses that she doesn’t feed her children strictly organic, should she really be told that she is slowly poisoning her child??  If she’s asking for advice about potty training, she doesn’t need to hear that your wonderful genius was potty trained practically in utero and she should quite frankly consider herself lazy for not tending to it sooner.

Its sick and disgusting that we seem to relish in the unhappiness of a fellow mom…..when what we are most likely thinking to ourself, in those dark and scary places we don’t talk about publicly, is that we’re just glad that it’s happening THEM and not US.  When we copiously critique one another….what we’re really doing is expressing the fear of what we hold within our own selves.  There is an expression “there by the grace of God go I”.  Essentially, what you condemn another for, could just as easily be the headline next to your name tomorrow.  No one is immune to a momentary loss of control or a disabling and life altering experience.  And if Karma is truly the bitch that I hope she is………the things you degrade someone for will one day be YOUR shortcomings.  And you will then kick yourself in the ass for not being more compassionate and understanding.

Ideally, moms should wrap their arms around a fellow mom in need and hug her til it hurts.  We should share the laughter and the tears and the joys and the sorrows with one another with less judgement and more tenderness.  We’re all just trying our very damn best to keep our head above the sometimes murky waters that comes with raising a small seed into a mighty oak.

I am, therefore, left to wonder……Where in the hell is the positive reinforcement and absolute devotion to the sanctity of motherhood???

 

Advertisements