One of my absolute favorite mom friends and I were recently provided the opportunity to kick back and relax and gossip while our children played happily nearby (and by nearby, I mean somewhere in the house we were in….but not right directly in our faces, for a change).  The husbands were huddled in the kitchen noshing on food……talking about sports and work…..and staying the hell outta our hair.

There came a moment during the conversation when my mom friend took a noticeably deep breath and proceeded to tell me that her young teen daughter had recently come to her and told her that she’d recently lost her virginity.  This woman is the most awesome and down to earth hot momma that I know.  Based on her retelling of the event….she handled it like a pro.  She didn’t get pissed off and ground her for life.  She didn’t cry and carry on like she’s been betrayed by her child.   She listened and offered support to her daughter and completely ensured that the lines of communication will forever remain open.  I was absolutely amazed with the poise and grace she showed.  Far too many moms wouldn’t have handled it as well and would have totally blown the chance to form the foundation of a lifetime of quality mother/daughter conversations.

While I’m not the mom of a teen daughter, I could only offer her my opinion based on my own experience of losing my virginity at a young age as well (to my now hubby).   I told her that her daughter is a very good child, was raised by a great mom and that she is smart and kind and wise beyond her years.  The fact that her child came to her (instead of getting busted later and then confessing) showed that she was mature enough to make a mature decision.  Honestly, based on what I was told, I told my friend that I was happy for her daughter…..that her first time had been with someone who cared about her….instead of some stupid douche bag who would only use her and then spread rumors about her later and make her question her self-worth.  I know some people will clutch their pearls and gasp and assume I’m an ass to think its wise to applaud both the daughter and the mom for putting on their big girl panties and dealing with this in a mature manner.

But the fact of the matter is………our children will ALL eventually have sex (unless they are totally gunning to be on that new reality show about being a virgin in your 4o’s).  Some will wait until their married, but many  many MANY will NOT.  And if you think you can stop them by being uptight and disapproving and judgemental and rigid in your thinking, you’ve got a really rude awakening in your future…..and possibly a grandchild or two before you turn 40.  What’s wrong with arming our kids with information and statistics and profilactics and facts??  Sticking your head in the sand and just hoping that they won’t do it too soon will not prevent them from having sex.  They’ll just get sneakier and more devious in the plotting and planning.   You likely won’t find out until there are two lines or the stick turns blue or there’s a plus instead of a minus.  And I would think that’s kind of the opposite of the effect you’re looking for.

I do have to admit, during this conversation, I remember thinking (for mere seconds, I swear) “Thank God I have penis people and don’t have to worry about THIS conversation EVER”.  And then I took a moment to pause and realized…..ummmm stupid ass…..yes…… you DO.  Just because I have penis people doesn’t absolve me from difficult conversations about sex and protecting themselves.  I don’t want to be the mom who assumes “boys will be boys” and then allow them to think that they can ruthlessly litter the universe with their unwanted off-spring.  I don’t want my penis people to think that girls are disposable once they’ve had sex with them.  I don’t want them to think that girls are disposable EVER.  While I’m hopeful that the head penis person will provide them with information (and condoms if necessary), I want to participate in those conversations as much as I can.  I want them to have a female perspective on things.  I want them to know that while I would love for them to wait to be in love with someone first, I can recognize that it will most likely happen with someone who there are in serious like over.

I hope that when MY day comes I can be just as awesome as my mom friend……..She is the first of my friends to have stepped in to these murky, scary waters…….and she is currently my hero for the wonderful way that she handled it.

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