The head penis person’s vacation has finally ended.  And, let me assure you, it came not a moment too soon.  He’s been on vacation since December 22nd.  Yes, that’s 21 days of all day, EVERY day at home.  It just so happened that his vacation coincided with Christmas break from school for the oldest penis person.  So there I was…… mom surrounded by all three penis people for the entire holiday and beyond.

This time of year strikes me with a plethora of mixed emotions……I thoroughly enjoy spending time with the penis people….but I also completely and unapologetically relish my quiet time alone.  I find my self at once both loathing this time and also looking forward to the opportunity to enjoy our time together with no schedules….no places to be… need to spring outta bed each morning and spend the whole day rush…rush…rushing from one thing to the next.

However, what I’ve come to realize in the past (as this occurs each and every Christmas break) is that the head penis person thinks that just because he’s on vacation…….we are all on vacation.  What he fails to realize time after time is that things like cooking and cleaning and laundry and taking care of the penis children does NOT take a vacation.  And he’s also very much under the impression that his vacation is well-earned (he is a police officer, after all) and he should therefore be granted this time to do little else but laze around on his ass…..watching the million of football games available at his fingertips and stuffing his gullet full of tasty morsels of food that I should apparently present to him on an as-needed basis.  He’s so secure in this impression that he looks positively stunned that I even have the balls to request that he scrape his ass off the couch for a few moments to entertain the kids while I do anything.

His vacation, while it is admittedly VERY well-earned and positively necessary due to the high stress level his job requires, throws the rest of the home schedules and routines in to a veritable tail spin.  All the penis people and myself end up staying up late in to the night and sleeping long in to the next day…..only to repeat itself the next night….and the next…and the next.  There is absolutely no structure to any given day…..and for those who have small kids… can understand how having very little structure to a day morphs them in to cranky psychotic maniacs almost instantaneously.  The crankier the small penis people get seems to correspond nicely, and almost directly, with the head penis person’s unending tendency to annoy….irritate….aggrivate.   It’s a never-ending and very vicious cycle……..he pesters the hell out of the kids……they whine……he continues to pester them……they whine more……momma finally has enough……screams and yells for a short while at EVERY one and then there is finally a little peace….for literally about thirty seconds.

As you may know……the older penis person generally sleeps with me while the head penis person is at work all night.  Nevertheless, while he’s on vacation, the head penis person will generally insist on sleeping child free in our bed.   This does not sit well with the older penis child.  He misses mom……he doesn’t like how uncomfy his own bed is and is irritated to be forced to sleep there when a really comfy bed is just a few doors away…….And so I spend the next 21 nights floating like a ghost in the night from one bed to another.

Then came the time when the older penis person was required to return to school.  He was unclear as to why Dad got to continue to stay home on vacation since his own mini vacation from school was ending.  He literally told me one night “mom, this is bullshit… come Dad gets to keep staying home and I have to go back to school”.  I tried to explain that Daddy’s job is very hard and he deserves the opportunity to kick back and relax.  To which the young penis person responded “I work hard too……Dad’s job isn’t that much tougher than mine”.    And for a moment…..I got to thinking (this is always very dangerous….when momma starts really thinking).

I work my ass off day in and day out.  Very seldom does anyone pat me on the ass and tell me that I’m appreciated.  I don’t generally get a day off, let alone twenty-one of them consecutively.   I found myself sulking like a little kid, angry at the injustice of it all.  I would like to say that the hubby noticed……but alas, that would be too much like right.  Besides, he was far too busy enjoying his own vacation to give a moments thought to someone else’s lack of one.

Finally……..the day came (yesterday) when it was hubby’s turn to return to work.  He claimed he “just wasn’t ready” to go back and threatened (yes….threatened is the right word) to tack on a few extra days to his vacation.  I’m not sure if the look of pure terror was completely evident on my face or not…….but I think he somehow knew that I was ready for him to go back.  He kept saying “say the word and I’ll stay home and we can hang out for a few more days”……..I remained quiet….silently willing him to just shut the fuck up and figure out that it was time to put on his big boy undies and take his happy ass back to work.

Thankfully…..he returned to work last night……when he left at 11:15 p.m. I did a happy dance…..I somehow managed to wake Nicklas up doing my little happy dance.  He was equally as happy.  While I snuggled him deep under the covers of our bed, I asked him if he was happy that Daddy had gone back to work.  His reply “I love him and I’ll miss him…..but HELL YES“.   Well said son….I couldn’t have said it any better myself!