I was sitting here this evening writing the list of shit I’ve done today (because the Dick is convinced I sit on my ass all day and do nada and I’m going to keep a super detailed list to throw in his face all BOO YA style)……and the list of shit I need to do tomorrow (because I actually DO have a shit ton of shit that really needs to be done and if I don’t write it down I will forget about it instantaneously…plus I really like crossing “things” off my lists of stupid shit that has to be done).

I wrote down that I REALLY need to clean out the penis people’s closets of shit that doesn’t belong in there but sadly hasn’t found any other place in our house to call home AND THEN  I really need to organize the life right out of them….from that thought came the idea that I’ve been meaning to get the wee penis person’s baby book out and update it (its in the closet, which is what prompted me think of it in the first place).  Sadly, I have neither looked at it……. nor opened it…….. nor touched it in approximately one year.

This is sadder still because I filled out the older penis person’s baby book with a sort of religious fervor…..like….updated weekly and then reviewed monthly to check for accuracy……and then I took it upon myself to add additional pages to record the things that the baby book making people had apparently not deemed worthy of important baby book info (such as……how many green beans he could fit in to his mouth at once without choking at the age of 2…..and the lyrics to songs he made up when he was almost 4).  I also stocked it full of pictures detailing every nano-second of his existence.   Looking at Nicklas’s baby book is such a stark contrast to Joshua’s baby book.

I only recorded the first two teeth that Joshua grew……he has an entire mouth full of sharp little biters now and I can’t possibly even hope to imagine which ones came in when…..I will just have to fake this data later.  I also haven’t printed a picture of him from the computer in, literally, AGES!  There they all sit….stuffed tighly  in my computer files waiting breathlessly for me to find a moment or two to print them out and give them LIFE!  ALL 1,249 of them!!!!!!  So, what you find in Joshua’s baby book in place of pictures of his cute little cherub face is page after page of “attach photo here”…..mocking me and making me feel like an incredibly shitty mommy.

Lists can be a wonderful thing……holding the sheer power to…..organize your grocery shopping trip…..get to places that you need to get to do the crap that you don’t even feel like really doing…..organize your kids toys in a manner that is user-friendly and keeps you from searching high and low for a very lost and beloved toy……jot down the things that need to be cleaned but get forgotten because YOU DON’T it on a LIST!  But lists can also make you want to bang your head against a wall because for every two things you find yourself happy to cross OFF…you think of ten additional things that need to be ADDED.  I once had a list so complicated and extensive and positively DAUNTING that, after some very serious contemplation, I had to quickly scribble “Seriously…..take a shower already…you smell like ass”.  And then I added an addendum that said “and SHAVE your fucking LEGS…….you are NOT a MAN”.

Forget having a bucket list…….my list of actual real life stuff will keep me busy from here to eternity.