I’ve been trying to blog the last couple days….but I’ve been pissed off and angry at the Dick and I hate to blog when I’m pissed off and angry at the Dick because it seeps in to what I’m writing no matter how hard I try to keep it out.

So after the last few days, I find that I’m a little less pissed off and have just come to the terms of acceptance.  It was then that I realized that I’m probably experiencing a phenomenon that many women experience too.  When you’re married (or in a long-term relationship) with a man…….you have a pretty decent life together…..you envision that because he’s a pretty good person he will make a stellar dad……then you have children with this person and come to the stunning conclusion that you’ve somehow found yourself locked down for the next 18+ years with a full-blown babydaddy.

When the Dick and I were engaged, and even after we initially married, we were like many other childless couples….very self-involved and indifferent to the world around us.  I probably let a lot of things that he did slide just simply based off the fact that these habits of his didn’t bother me too much in those initial married without children years.  What I didn’t realize then is that I was allowing him to set a presidente of laziness and irresponsibility and selfishness.  And because I never  EXPECTED  or  REQUIRED  more from him, he was in no hurry to change himself.

Years later when we had our penis people, there was a noticeable shift in our lives.  Not the shift that you would assume would naturally follow parenthood…..but a shift in the way I started to feel about his laziness and irresponsibility and selfishness.  Things that never bothered me before were now practically deal breakers.  I started to hate the father that he wasn’t but I so desperately wanted him to be.  I felt like my children deserved a better dad.  I didn’t give a shit if he didn’t respect ME….but I wanted him to respect the sanctity of fatherhood and the small little lives he’d help create.

When I have to beg or bargain with him to watch his own children…..when I can’t even trust him enough to leave the kids with him because he won’t pay attention to them or he would take his shitty mood about  HAVING  to watch them  OUT ON THEM …..when he would leave the baby in a shitty diaper so long that he got a horrific diaper rash because no one  TOLD  him that he  NEEDED  to change the diaper and he was too busy vegging out watching sports to notice……when he’s more concerned with the shit HE needs to do that with the shit he needs to do  FOR HIS CHILDREN …..When he’s  SO TIRED  (tired, by the way, is a relative term here and actually just refers to his being lazy) that he sleeps and sleeps and sleeps and miss a lot of really important shit in his kids lives because he chooses sleep over playing or going to the park or taking them for a walk on a nice day…..when he seems to have a pretty vocal opinion on  EVERYTHING  that relates to what I do for or with the kids and yet he  REFUSES  to participate in things like the wee penis person’s speech therapy or the ADHD doctor appointments or teacher conferences…..for the four times I’ve needed to take a child to the Emergency Room and he refused to come with me because he “hates hospitals” and I instead had to call his sister to come and sit with me while I was freaking out……

These things all have a way of transforming him from the dad that I know he  CAN  be into the babydaddy that he is.  A babydaddy only does what it absolutely required…..and then only does  THAT  with a scowl on his face and a pissy bitch mood to match.

I read blogs from dads who simply adore their kids.  Two of my favorites are Greybeard D. who writes The Legend of Greybeard  and Derrick B. who writes Dad v Autism.  These two dudes are awesome and involved.   They can’t even fathom  NOT  participating.  I also watch dads in the store or the park or playgroups with their kids and I wonder how they got to be so fucking wonderful…..and if there is a way to clone them.  Or wonder if they could maybe host a forum for these “other” babydaddys called ” Stop being a useless selfish asshole and BE A DAD “.

The Dick tried to explain to me that he didn’t have a dad growing up and  THAT’S  why he doesn’t know how to be a good dad.  I call bullshit.  At the very least, it should make him more aware of what he  SHOULDN’T  do and should make him want to do a better job than  HIS  dad did.  I really only see this as an excuse…..meant to deflect from him the responsibility of doing a good job.  I sometimes catch myself, in my head, apologizing to my kids for not choosing more wisely and selecting a better person to be their father…..then I have to take a step back and remind myself that  WITHOUT  the Dick, I wouldn’t even technically  HAVE  these  AMAZING LITTLE PENIS PEOPLE .  So I guess, at the very least, he’s got  THAT  going for him.

I do so much and so often with my kids flying solo by myself that people have actually commented that they’ve thought I was a single mom and are positively shocked to find out that I’m married to the Dick.  What I think babydaddys’ like mine need to keep in mind is that us moms, with live in deadbeats like them, have spent so much time living and functioning like single moms that to  ACTUALLY  become one isn’t that much of a leap.  All I’m technically used to getting from the Dick is the financial assistance………and  THAT’S  what court ordered child support would be for!

PS –  on a side note …..years ago when I was having a REALLY fed up moment….I changed the ring tone on my phone for the Dick to  “That’s Just My Babydaddy” by Blaque .   The Dick really hates that this is the song that plays when he calls……too damn bad for him if he doesn’t like it.  When he stops being a babydaddy, I will remove it (note that I haven’t  YET ).  Until then, it makes me laugh a little when it plays and I thoroughly recommend it for other moms like me who have a babydaddy.

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