I’ve recently found myself watching a shit load of that new show “Doomsday Preppers” (thanks  A LOT  to the Dick for having NatGeo on  so often  that  SOMETHING  finally piqued my interest….you’re  still  a nerd).  I initially wanted to watch it so that I could sit and make fun of the nutty people who are trading savings accounts for food stockpiles in preparation for the end of the world.  However, after the very first damn episode, I was officially hooked…..and losing plenty of sleep worrying about the end of the world as we know it……

Each week is going to feature a new family……..and they will explain what they’ve done to prepare themselves.  They’ll also explain what they imagine the end of the world will be and what will cause it.   While I was all prepared to believe they were just fruitcake country backwards assholes that I would shamelessly laugh my ass off at, I find that I would actually much rather find these folks where ever they are in the world  and make friends with them …..because, based on what they have prepared for (and the fact that I  HAVEN’T ) makes me realize that if the proverbial shit hits the fan…. I ….. AM ….. FUCKED !  And not just me…….my kids.  My little penis people will suffer because momma was far too lazy to freeze dry meat and beans and a whole bunch of other shit that apprears to be pretty important and that will sustain us for 10+ years while the world sorts itself out.    These people, while it initially seems they are being  EXTREME and PARANOID , make many of us look woefully inept and severely under prepared.

They have cool shit like a bullet proof house made out of welded shipping containers……they have enough food stored to feed twenty-two people for fifteen years…….school buses designed to carry them and their beloved farm animals and the people they’ve deemed worthy to a secret locale (one looks like it was underground or some shit)….they have bug out plans (bug out, BTW, apparently means we need to get the fuck outta dodge ASAP)…..they have alternate energy sources that look really complicated and make me feel dumb as rocks for not knowing what they are or how to make one.

Now, the only issue that I have with this show is that they feature people who are prepared for everything from a breakdown of the National energy grid to an astronomical rise in the price of petroleum causing our society to fall apart……however, I’ve yet to see them wax philosophical and offer solutions about the possibility of a  ZOMBIE apocalypse .   THIS  is the end of the world event that keeps me up at night.  Based on EVERY  dawn/night/evening/weekend of the dead  that I’ve seen……You need a whole lotta ammo and guns and other instruments of zombie brain destruction…..You also need an impenetrable place to hide…..and a means to board up the windows and doors to said place…..I’ve never seen people on any of those movies eat, but I will assume that mass amounts of food and beverage (alcohol would be nice) would also be key…..And you need to be in kick ass shape…..both to outrun hoards of zombies that are hell-bent on eating you…..but also to kick the shit outta the  REALLY  strong ones…….I think I need to practice squats or start jogging or something, because if you have no other weapon, you can knock a zombie to the ground and then stomp a mud hole in its skull….and right now I’m not quite certain I could  DO THAT …..I’d probably be winded after one or two pitiful attempts at mud hole stomping.

Anyway, the point that I’m getting at is this…….here I was preparing to make fun of these people for being so stupid and ass backwards and foolish……when there’s a pretty solid probability that’s precisely what THEY are thinking about people like ME!  And I’m officially declaring myself worried……

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