There are  NOT  a whole lot of male bloggers that I love…..Most of them, I don’t even  LIKE .  Most of them show their ass with each and every word and try to compartmentalize women to fit their favorite stereo-type….and most of the time, it’s not very flattering.  I have been meeting up with some fellow MWDAS….yes….actually meeting one another face to face.  I met the next awesome penis person bloggers awesome wife this weekend.   IT WAS AWESOME  to finally meet her……. I just used AWESOME A WHOLE LOT THERE …. And in meeting her, I just KNEW that I would love her hubby as well.  She blogs (she’ll be here guest blogging next month) and he blogs and sometimes its about the same topic, but with very  VERY  different perspectives.  And that’s what I love about reading them both.  In my fantasy world…..I’d get them  BOTH  to do a guest blog  on the same day ….. on the same page …..kinda like a he said/she said….like I could ask them questions and they could both answer………. HOLY SHIT …… THAT  is a wonderful idea….I need to jot that down!

Sometimes the voices in my head that apparently have ADHD need to hush so I can focus!

Anyway……Derrick writes the blog  Dad v Autism ….and each blog is titled  Dad v ________ (whatever is on his mind at the moment ).  He has a pretty damn amazing relationship with his children…..the Goob (the teenage daughter)…..Noah (the youngest son….. who also happens to have Autism)……and the 20-yr-old (the oldest son).  Every time he blogs about his kids, I just think to myself ” WOW, what an amazing dad….they DO exist “.  I often wonder if there is a way to clone him……..or at the very least somehow convince him to teach a class to the other dads on how to  just shut the fuck up and be a cool dad  like him.  But he’s probably far too busy  BEING  a cool dad that he wouldn’t have time to teach the class…… SHIT!!!!

So today he sent me this brilliantly written guest blog and I couldn’t WAIT to share it with everyone.  He has some pretty hilarious takes on what the differences are between men and women (from the penis perspective, which is usually pretty enlightening AND entertaining) and how we can close that gap that divides us all.   So read it and share it and stop by and visit his blog page (I’ve posted the link below).  Stop by and visit his Dad v Autism facebook page too while you’re at it…..

 

Dad v Autism on Facebook

Dad v Autism on Blogger

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Dad v Dropping Bombs………Dad v Austism

I am incredibly awed and inspired by Danielle inviting me to do a guestpost on Life with Penis People.  It is a great honor…so let me start saying some things that will make her regret the offer…some stuff so outrageous that she will learn from her mistake…I’m going to start talking about “Dudes.”  You know, the average male…or as Danielle likes to refer to us…PenisPeople.

Now, I’m going to drop some bombs on you here…so take a good long swig of your glass of wine, imported liquor, or isopropyl alchohol…whatever’s on hand…although please don’t do anything that may or may not make you go blind…please. OK.

BOMB #1.   Men and women are different.  Seriously, it’s true.  Men and women are different.  Husbands and wives are different.  The American and National leagues are different.  And lastly, horses and fish are different too. Now, I’m not going to go into the blasphemy that is the designated hitter…just know that it’s wrong…but I am going to talk a little common sense about the whole man/woman-husband/wife thing…cause that’s serious stuff there. I mean everybody knows there are differences, but it doesn’t seem like anybody really accepts it…or only accepts it when it’s convenient to whatever argument they may be having.

BOMB #2   This may be a generality, but I’m sticking with it from personal experience……many, many women are born multi-taskers…many, many men are very good at focusing on a single thing.  This is why, when you are trying to talk to us, vacuum, dust, and also talk on the phone…all at the same time…while we’re watching the game…WE DO NOT HEAR YOU!!!  We’re not ignoring you.  You are just not our focus at that time.  And it’s true…you may not want to hear it, but we are not always focusing on you….usually, we’re screaming at the refs.  If you want to fix this….I’m not sure…maybe you should get on TV… Wait a minute, I might be on to something here.  Get yourself a webcam…record the list of things you want us to do..and then while we aren’t paying attention, feed that shit into a commercial slot on the TV…but please blot out one of those Ford F150 commercials…and not the beer ads with the scantily dressed models…that’d be more polite.  Maybe use a telestrator and a few cheerleaders in the background…just a suggestion.

BOMB #3  You look great in that…whatever it is.  We don’t really care.  We’re with you because we’re overly fond of you as it is.  You look good in everything and the less of it the better in our books.  We truly, truly don’t understand what the big deal is.  I don’t know when you’re supposed to wear heels, with what or whatever…all we know is that those heels make your ass look awesome…and we’re big fans of that. And if we’re rude enough to say nasty things about you and the way you look…feel free to watch the Burning Bed…for some ideas on how to retaliate.

BOMB #4  Don’t ask us if you look fat in something…just stab us.

BOMB #5  Breasts are awesome.  They should be considered a mind control weapon…the government should probably make women register them…maybe have a three day waiting period…You know what, that’s a pretty damned good idea…because just like you don’t want crazy people running around with AK-47’s…a crazy woman can do just as much damage with boobs…and there are a lot of people who would pay to watch them do it.

BOMB #6  We do not understand your subtle messages.  We do not understand body language.  We do not understand mutterings…we only loosely understand female sarcasm.  Sometimes we barely understand the subtlety of a hand to the crotch…wait a minute…that might be an awesome new form of communication between men and women…it would all depend on how rough the communication is…just an idea…we’d certainly know right away if you’re upset anyway…and if you’re not too…probably.

BOMB #7  Please don’t make a big deal about the remote control.  Who cares who’s holding the remote?  You can hold it all day long as long as what I want to watch is on the TV…I’d expect you’d say the same thing.  Here, hold the remote…feel powerful?  Nope, me either.  More than who’s holding the remote…let’s talk about who lost the remote? Because that’s when you really feel powerless.

BOMB #8  The toilet seat…seriously?

BOMB #9  We don’t get your whole shoe fetish thing…and please don’t ask us where your pair of “black” shoes are….because you know you have thirty pair…

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