When I began to blog in Life with Penis People, I had no idea how cathartic it would be.  Its a lot like my old school diary that I had a billion million years ago…..without all the “I love Rob/Chris/Joe ” (whoever the flavor of the moment was) cross-outs written all over the place.  It’s wonderfully and magically special in that I can write whatever the hell I want and no one can say shit about it because its  MINE.  Its one piece of me that I don’t have to clear with anyone….share with anyone….consider anyone else first.  You know how it is to be a mom…. everything you do every damn day is about someone NOT YOU.  And it’s just nice to have something all my own.  Plus, when I look back at my old diaries (yes….I STILL have them…..shut it!) I read them and JUST WISH life could be that painfully simple again.


My oldest penis person  LOVES  that I call he and his baby brother penis people and he even calls himself that now (proudest mommy moment EVER).  Sometimes I could literally  SWEAR  that he does silly goofy shit on purpose, like he’s auditioning it for my blog.  The hubby has never read not one of my blogs, which is perfectly fine by me.  He’s not a reader and I’m far too wordy for him.  I’d clearly lose him about two sentences in.  Anything that I say  ABOUT  him on here I’ve already said  TO HIS FACE  (read…the angry mean shit I sometimes feel compelled to expel).  That’s my only rule of thumb for shit between him and I, as it relates to my blogging.  I won’t say it to y’all first before I’ve had the opportunity to bitch slap him in the face with  MY PRETEND PENIS OF WORDS  first.  He generally dislikes (ok, probably  HATES ) when I discuss him sometimes.  But we’ve comprimised…..meaning, since its  MY  blog I will say what the fuck I want to, when I want to and will call him whatever the hell I choose to….and he will attempt to not give me so damn much useful shit to discuss about him…if he doesn’t want it published here then  he shouldn’t DO IT !  See…..I’m pretty damn stellar at this compromising thing.


I sometimes forget that not  ALL  people use the word “penis” so freely, and so frequently, in general conversation though.  Sometimes, whilst we’re out to dinner or out strolling the world, I’m all ” penis people this and penis people that….penis…penis…PENIS “.  Suddenly, I will see the horrified look on the Dick’s face and it will be glaringly obvious by the smug dirty looks on nearby people’s faces that I’ve obviously spoken much too loudly ( oooopsy! I hate when I do THAT ).   WHAT?!??!!??   It’s a clinical term, for fucks sake.  Shake it off and move on people!   In fact, just be thankful that I was using a clinical/medical term like penis…..instead of my arsenal of  more “colorful” language.  You’re welcome!


A mom friend of mine recently threw her daughter’s birthday party…..while making the “thank you bags” with the kids names on them, she searched my FB pictures for the correct spelling of my oldest penis person’s name (which is Nicklas….hubby is a bad speller and I didn’t have the heart to correct him nor tell him that this is a stupid way to spell Nicholas).  Unfortunately, what she found was picture after picture of “penis person/penis people”……very few of my photos have their  ACTUAL NAMES  on them.  She had to scroll through other people’s comments to finally find someone (probably a family member, who also hate that I use the term penis people so often) who referred to him by name.  When she relayed this story to me, I was out of control with laughter.    ( BTW…..I swear if I find the douche bag whore that STARTED this stupid tradition of thank you bags, I will beat her unconcious…..I promise I will…for ALL of us…..You’re welcome! )  As you can see….penis people have always invaded my every waking hour, but now I feel positively free to just let my freak flag fly and say goodbye to any modicum of decency…..where using the term penis is concerned.


Its coming up on one year since I’ve started this blog.  I’ve written some real shit starters ( like “the real moms guide to the don’t of sex” ) and gotten some kick ass hate mail for those shit starting moments.  I actually LIKE the hate mail more than a little.  I don’t expect EVERYONE to agree with me ALWAYS…..although in my perfect world EVERYONE would think the sun rose and set on my ass and they would drink down every single word I said or wrote and beg me for more of my awesome knowledge.   However, I love seeing a woman’s inner bitch blast straight out of her body, even if it’s during a pathetic attempt to try to educate ME?!?!?!?  I’m all for the inner bitch making herself known.  And only a few times did I release MY inner bitch and snark back when they got a little TOO out of line.


What I’ve been trying to say is that I appreciate you ALL for reading my rants and sometimes homicidal musings.  I may not have a gaggle of small penis people runnng freely in my house (two is MORE than enough….thank you VERY much!) but I love this new “diary” concept used to expunge the insanity and keep me laughing.  I’m lucky to “know” you all and know that you share my pain most days.   Sometimes just knowing that you have lots of company in your misery makes it worth experiencing.