He really IS one of my biggest reasons to drink and swear!

The "unofficial" MWDAS meet up

….or were we always just closet drinkers who have found that we no longer give a shit what people think of us….or our parenting skills….or our ability to care for our children properly while slightly inebriated.

As I sit typing this….I am having a nice little glass of liquid happiness.  The Dick is in a “cantankerous mood” over some household and vehicle  bullshit and while I would LOVE to sympathize with him (insert snarky sarcasm HERE)…..I find, in situations such as these, it’s just much wiser to grab a glass of SOMETHING and kick back and fly under his radar.  He’ll do enough worrying for BOTH of us, and there is generally shit I can do to pull him out of his funk anyway, so I can relax and just give a shit not at all.

So, back to my original thought……Several years ago I stumbled upon a group called Moms Who Drink and Swear (there’s a link posted below).  Immediately upon reading a few hilarious entries, I JUST KNEW I’d found my truest of soul sistas!  They not only cursed with sweet, reckless abandon, but they enjoyed the occasional (ok, sometimes MORE than occasional) drink.  Lots of beer references, tons of wine recommendations and many MANY recipes for AWESOME mixed drink concoctions later and I was HOOKED!  I stalked the page several times a day and commented nearly as often.

What I began to notice is that many of those moms were JUST LIKE ME!  Bound and determined to do a kick ass job of parenting their children, while still managing to hold on to some assemblance of THEIR OWN LIFE.  No where does it state that just because you birthed a child or two (or more) that you should kiss your drunken/smartass/cursing/snarky/bitchy self goodbye.  And those women not only REFUSED to bid their old selves a’ deiu….they embraced their inner drunken whores immensely.  And I loved them dearly for it.

But I began to wonder……were moms really drinking more often???  Were we really faced with such daily nuisances that required a stiff drink to make the ugly shit just go away.  Or were we all just former party girls that refused to conform to societies ideology that moms must be pious and righteous and only good in a thousand impossible ways??  Were the moms I know just mavericks blazing a new trail (or, as it were, stumbling along slightly buzzed)???  Or were WE the actual normal????

There have always been multiple chat rooms full of moms who “joke” about sneaking liquor onto the soccer field or to that dreaded PTA meeting.  I have personally logged on to sites that sell “mommy juice boxes” (wine in a juice pouch type thing) and sell HUGE wine glasses emblazoned with the words “Mommy’s Sippy Cup”.  A friend of mine used her baby bottle cooler pouch to take beer to a carnival with her kids.  Score one for that momma, as she was providing her children an awesome day of memories while keeping her beers nice and chilled!  WIN-WIN for all involved.   I also thoroughly enjoy the comedy of “Cougar Town” where one particular mom (my favorite one) sometimes barely even notices her toddler child exists (whose safe in the care of his nanny BTW) as she sits with her girlfriends having endless glasses of wine and being sarcastic and bitchy all day.

We all seem to be part of the same happy club.  We are awesome moms, of course, first and foremost.  But we also know that alcohol is NOT the devil and we shouldn’t feel the least bit compelled to deprive ourselves of its greatness.  Having a few drinks doesn’t make me a bad mom………much the opposite.  I’m waaaay more relaxed and in a mood that’s conducive to having fun without contemplating all the shit that I NEED to do.  My kids actually LIKE “happy hour mom”.  She’s FAR LESS bitchy and pissed off.  She’s having fun and could give two shits how silly she looks attempting a hand-stand.

I’m in NO WAY trudging along, full on hammered and out-of-my-mind intoxicated, attempting to gain AA super status.  I’m generally just in that nice happy place between     sober and really drunk.  There has RARELY been a “too hung over to care for my kids” type of morning.  And with the exception of that September day last year when the pizza guy not only delivered pizza, but also my 2 yr old, to my door (this just AFTER I called to order it delivered and informed the person on the phone I was far too intoxicated to PICK UP the pizza) when the amazingly agile wee penis person had managed to slip out the back gate and toddled to the front yard unbeknownst to me or anyone else at the party……but that was an isolated incident that could have just as easily happened to a SOBER ME who was instead just busy gossiping with a gaggle of moms…..just sayin’.  Don’t worry, the Dick tipped the pizza guy WELL that day!

I guess what I’m thinking is that we all experience in our own time what many other (maybe even our OWN) moms already know…..There is in FACT the occasional social experiment to see which will last longer…..the whining of your children or the bottle of booze you’re using to drown out the noise.   That nothing but good can come from a mom who’s always slightly drunk happy.   And that sometimes NOTHING cures the “mommy blues” like a bottle (or two) of blue UV vodka.



Moms Who Drink And Swear (on Facebook)