Peace out summer….you are officially on the downslide to being gone baby gone.  And I am…..dare I say it…slightly overjoyed about that.  I’m over trying to keep the penis people occupied EVERY…SINGLE…DAY so that they don’t go brain-dead from boredom.  I’m over our fucking green ass pool that has some sort of funky algae rampantly growing within.  I’m over the heat that rivals hell and the humidity that cause my head to feel like a vice has a death grip on me, squeezing until I wanna cry…or sleep for endless hours each day….which plops my ass right into the category of shitty mom.

I’m over the desire to ship the penis people outdoors so that I can have a little peace and quiet…. and that desire being squashed by the fact that there is a rather large gaggle of daycare children next door who, upon seeing my kids outside, will hop the damn fence and be in MY yard…becoming MY responsibility to monitor.  I don’t even want to monitor MY OWN KIDS at this point.  I’m over the use of A/C and the fact that I have to keep the house closed up tightly like a damn morgue so that the sunshine doesn’t kick the shit outta the A/C and make it run longer.  However, I’m also over having the windows open….thereby letting all the shitty humidity permeate every inch of my house.  Plus, if the windows and doors are open, then the daycare kids will KNOW that we’re home (whereas most often when they knock on the closed-door I can just pretend we’ve left for the day) and will still want to come over and play.

I’m over not feeling like cooking AT ALL, but forcing myself to do so in an effort to stick to the budget we’ve devised.  I would almost rather take grocery shopping OUT of the budget and instead…..budget in eating out or ordering in.  But penis people MUST eat truckloads of food on a regular basis (why must they be such hungry little fuckers)….so groceries are a must.

I’m over wanting to go and sit out on the patio after 5:00 p.m. (when the daycare kids are pretty much gone for the day)…only to be blinded by the glaring sunshine that hits the back of our house at noon and is fucking relentless until dusk…..that melts the ice in my tasty beverage much faster than I can drink it, leaving me with a shitty, watered-down version of whatever it was I was drinking.  I wish our house was on the other side of the block so our backyard would be shady at this hour.  But, alas, the house IS where it IS and no amount of wishing will change that.

** I should go and become besties with the mom across the street….then maybe she AND I can sit in her nice shady backyard on their awesome deck and drink until we forget that we have spouses and children…..OH WAIT…she works all day so she probably misses her little family….and I don’t, so I don’t.**

Now, on the flip side…I know that back to school is FAST approaching.  And while I’m looking forward to sending the oldest penis person off to school each day with his dinosaur backpack and a smile and a hug and getting back to a normal routine….I know FULL WELL that I am screwed beginning September 4th.

I’ve got the schedule for the wee penis person’s speech therapy to nail down and execute, as only a psychotic mom-on-a-mission can do. It’s totally worth it because he’s made excellent strides in his speech (or, lack thereof, as it were) issues….however, is it wrong that I sometimes wish that instead of the required parental participation, I could instead just drop his wee penis person ass off and leave.  Cause I’ll be the FIRST to admit that sometimes I am SO over all the proper pronunciation and repetitiveness and the signing.

Also, in a moment I can only describe as me being quite delusional, I signed Nicklas up for pee-wee football….what the FUCK was I thinking???  I hate sports….HATE….HATE sports!  And with the Dick soon to be scheduled 12 hours shifts from 7 p.m. to 7 a.m…..I’m gonna be stuck with whatever practice schedule the crazy football people will deem necessary…and I will do so with a wee penis person in tow (tethered, quite possibly, in his baby leash baby harness so that I can preserve what remains of my sanity).  And I will need to try to focus an often unfocus-able penis person with pretty damn severe ADHD.

Then……Nicklas starts prep for 1st Communion this year in Catechism.  And since I’m a stupid ass and chit-chat with his teacher pretty often…..she has asked me to volunteer each week in the office.  And like a bigger dumb ass, I found myself having AGREED.  Why, oh why….couldn’t I have been smarter like the other parents….they don’t even get OUT of their cars….they pull up….slow just enough for their kids to hop out…and then speed the fuck off!

So there are THREE things right there that I KNOW I must do each week before September 4th even arrives…..and I know they are all good and wonderful things that will make my penis people happy and well-rounded little individuals….but it doesn’t mean I HAVE TO like it one fucking bit.  And I know that no sooner has September 4th come and gone, there will be a calendar of non-stop events that will need to be penciled in around the original three things.  I’ve looked at my calendar for the remainder of this year…..right now it looks so pristine and clear, with only a smattering of birthdays penciled in here and there.  But soon it will be filled with appointments and important dates and shit that MUST get done and I will be over-scheduled and under pressure to find more time.


**How did this start out as a blog about how I’m over summer….and end up with my whining like a bitch about my over-scheduling myself….Pffft!  I’m sitting here contemplating which season is the lesser of the two evils…..summer or back to school???