So, the following shall be considered strictly hypothetical in the event that anyone should specifically should ask……….where appropriate and unavoidable, names will be omitted to protect those jerkoffs  specifically demanding requesting anonymity.  I will do my best to explain whilst honoring some freakishly random new rule.

I recently wrote a pretty stellar blog regarding “sleeping” and “sharing space”.  It got roughly 100+ reads in one day.  This is one of the few blogs that I wrote which received not one single piece of hate email.  I think I connected with women in a way that is sometimes very hit and miss here on the internet.  Apparently, it was SO well received that people commented on it specifically TO the “other person” that it referenced.   And so began my slow ascent into Facebook and Blogging hell.

And now I sit here contemplating how the fuck do I write a blog about living with penis people when one key component of that penis puzzle has demanded to remain anonymous.  Of course, I have morphed into my normal pissy/bitchy/take-shit-too-far self.  Hmmmm….you wish to remain anonymous, you say?  Well……let’s be clear.  I will remove you SO thoroughly from my internet world that people will assume you’ve died suddenly and horrifically and quite tragically and I’m far too consumed with my mourning to explain any details.

Ok….maybe that IS taking it a BIT too far.  But I am THE QUEEN at taking shit too far.  So…I’m thinking….what is the protocol here?? Do I change my Facebook name BACK to my maiden name in an effort to restore someone’s privacy???  Do I change my relationship status to “single”?  Do I remove all photos of this specific person?  And since I have some pretty amazing shots of my penis people with “that guy” (thanks to my friend Julianna for this pretty amazing way to say it without saying IT)…is there a Facebook version of clipping this person out of the photo to preserve the pictures of the penis people who I really love.  Can I use one of the blurring techniques that is generally used on some person who is attempting to hide their identity from the world (usually because they’ve done something heinous or embarassing…..take note “that guy”).

My point is…..how do I go from mostly happily married on the internet and blogging world to apparently single raising two fatherless penis people?  I know Facebook is positively NOTORIOUS for ending relationships….but does it also make hiding otherwise completely normal relationships completely necessary  too?

And so……I have officially become “single” on Facebook. Or I might just pull the rip cord and invent a new Dick.  One who will be far cooler than “that guy”……far kinder……have a WAAAAY better sense of humor…one who will accept and be very tolerant of the fact that his wife is both awesome and kick ass and writes some pretty amazing shit that people will discuss with him.  If its privacy you want……..privacy you will get.  Because while I understand in that particular line of work that you do, where privacy is almost perversely coveted and protected, I just have an overwhelming desire to officially call BULLSHIT.  Being your wife was mostly pretty cool and I was kinda happy to share some of our “stories”.  Were some of them maybe a little embarrassing???  Possibly.  Were some of the things maybe a little bit mean???  Maybe.  But this blog and my Facebook page have always been my forum……from MY SPECIFIC point of view.  If YOU want a point of view that doesn’t make you look like a bumbling nit-witted jack ass half of the time…….start your own Facebook page and blog (or maybe ACTUALLY take four minutes to READ MINE YOURSELF from time to time).   And just remember when you take something too far….I will be sure to take it four steps further.

The penis people and "that guy"...

The penis people and “that guy”…

And so…..I give you…the first installment in a brand new series of photos.  These are my adorable penis people……For the love of God…please pay no attention to “that guy” behind the mask…..he doesn’t like to be noticed!

Advertisements