** The following is a purely theoretical response to an absolutely hypothetical conversation.  Questions posed are considered rhetorical.  Any similarities to actual persons or events is purely coincidental **


Many times, during a pretty heated battle amongst two extremely passionate and opinionated people, really mean and angry words are tossed around carelessly….with very little thought given to the magnitude of their horrible sting….words that can easily be just as deadly as knife straight to the heart.

There are things in a woman’s life that you just DO NOT call into question.  You don’t question PMS….if a woman says she HAS RAGING PMS, you believe her and pass her some chocolate and then back the fuck away slowly.  If a woman says she’s near-death sick, you can be confident in the fact that she wouldn’t mention it if it weren’t the truth and you must attempt to locate the nearest ER and transport her there with a quickness, because nearly any woman I know won’t boo-hoo over a simple case of the H1N1 flu.  That bad-ass bitch will pick herself up, dust herself off….spray a shit ton of lysol on every available surface to protect her loving brood….and then launch herself straight into family life and work and kid duties without so much as a whimper.

Finally, you never EVER EVER EVER question a woman’s love or care for her children.

I repeat…..NEVER….EVER….EVER!!!!

Doing so will not only take the noxious disagreement to a whole other really horrifically menacing level, but you will quietly steal a little piece of her soul that she will never get back.  You, in one moment of being nothing more than just your regular asshole self, will tap right in to the very depth of her insecurities…insecurities that EVERY mom feels……an overwhelming sense of “am I doing a good job or am I fucking these kids up irrevocably and permanently for all time”…….  and you will find yourself in an even bigger shitstorm that you could have possibly fathomed now or ever-more.

There are very few insults than anyone can hurl at me that will make me crumble……there are few statements that will raise my hackles and cause me to bristle under their weight.  But to question my worth as a good mom????  Imply that I don’t adore my children or openly express your belief that I regret their amazing existence???

Nah, mother fucker……you done fucked up….and crossed a line that you, before this moment, may not have even known existed…..but will change the terms of any agreement of boundaries we might have ever had.  You can’t simply take a moment to remind me of a really dark time in my life and use that profound knowledge of how tumultuous and lost someone can really feel and turn that into “you are a bad mom and regret our children”.

**AHEM**  What I meant to say was this…….


Husbands and fathers…….consider this my own personal PSA to you right here and right now……


Calling in to question a mother’s amazing ability to care for her children and to wonder out loud about her love for her kids  (or apparent lack thereof)….is very much the same as a woman calling in to question the size of a man’s penis (or lack thereof)…….just sayin’.

It an incredibly dirty way to make someone feel inadequate…….and taps right into the very core of the meanest thing you can say to someone to make them feel shitty about themself.  And I promise that no matter how much you tell yourself that it’s not true……there’s this nagging little voice that says “but maybe it is”………….

There can be an (alleged) argument over dumb shit……There can (supposedly) be abso-fucking-lutely not one single attempt for two people to act like grown ups…….There can (apparently) be malicious words tossed about carelessly like confetti.

But you DO NOT GO THERE if you ever hope to go back to normal.  Because if I were to have said you have an incredibly small penis…..I could NEVER take that back……and you would spend the rest of our time together wondering if I really thought it was true!  See how wrong that is???? SEE!!!!  Its mean and its wrong and the lowest thing I could do to hurt you.

And I wouldn’t do that to you, no matter how cruel you were to me……YOU’RE WELCOME!