So…..its Tuesday night and I would normally be sitting my happy ass in front of the TV to watch Sons of Anarchy.  But….its mid-season break (when the FUCK did THIS shit start happening) so I got nothing to do.  I have a theory that the reason so many babies are born in the fall is because so many people were bored in the winter….and there wasn’t anything good on TV because the ALL good shows were on hiatus at the same damn time…..its cold….and snuggling turns into……..bow-chicka-wow-wow!   Hello…..fall babies!


I won’t bore you with all the gory details of this show….one of my favorites.  But I will use it to transition right into this blog.  The most important fact about this particular show……..families are seriously FUCKED UP!  I mean…THIS specific family is far more fucked up than most (what with all the murdering of one another and death threats and beatdowns)…but in general….families are generally pretty fucked.


Of course, my own is no exception.  LOVE the shit outta them all…..would kill for any single one of them.  But we are a spastic lil bunch of nutballs.


Very recently, I had the opportunity to make amends with my baby brother after many years of not speaking much to one another.  The shit that we’d let divide us was going no where and we needed to get closer again more than we needed to hold on to old hurts.  I’m actually pretty damn proud of the two of us.  I’d like to say that maybe we’ve both grown from it all (mentally, spiritually, whatever).  But what I really suspect was happening is that we are SO much alike that we’d lost the shock value of dickering with each others brains.


He sent me a message……I took a beat to really put my feelings in check and determine if what we were angry about was REALLY worth the not having him around.  And even though I consider myself a perpetually evil shrill of a bitch……I couldn’t think of one really good reason to keep the shit going.  I wanted my brother back.  PERIOD.


My family :  We are mostly Sicilian in origin…Little bit of Russian just for shits and giggles.   We fight……we argue…..we are painfully honest with our words.  A few of us have even thrown a few ACTUAL blows at one another.


**SHIT….maybe we’re IRISH**


The point is……..we are still HERE!  We love with a fire that runs just as deep and just as strong as our anger.


On the flip side…….The Dick’s family :  Wonderful people, every damn one of them.  They love hard too…but differently than my own.  They kiss and hug and say “I love you” often.  My family mostly hugs by accident or when someone dies and we’re at a funeral (where hugging is expected).  We don’t SAY “I love you”…..we say “fuck off”…but its meant to be endearing and loving.


There is a very specific contrast to the way The Dick’s family deals with conflict and the way my family deals with conflict.  They are far more passive than aggressive. They prefer to stew over issues than to thrust them out into the light of day and deal.   They are quiet and reserved and this makes it difficult to deal directly with my loud and abrasive family on a regular basis.  When the Dick and I got married, my new Sis In Law was literally foisting Xanex on everyone like it was breath mints…..and I’m still not certain if it was because my family was making everyone nuts (in a good way….but nuts) or if the level of noise resonating from my mostly Italian family was pushing their side right over the damn edge.


My wonderful MIL once spent an afternoon with my loud Italian mother and her FIVE equally loud Italian sisters, plus ME and MY loud sister.  My MIL, whose generally very quiet and waits ever so patiently for an invitation to join a conversation by way of pause or quiet…….NEVER got a word in edge-wise.  By waiting for a lull to be included…..she promptly found herself entirely on the outside of the conversations the entire time.  She and I discussed this afterwards……she……disappointed that she hadn’t really felt a part of our day together…..hopelessly lost in the plethora of yelled conversations swirling around her.  For the very first time…..I had the opportunity to REALLY see how it might be hard for an introvert to mesh with my big extroverted family.  To be certain…it will likely NEVER change a damn thing….but I’m hoping that there is kindness in AT LEAST the understanding, right?  Shut up….just nod your head and agree, m’kay.


With the holidays fast approaching, I have to say….I’m looking forward to time with both sides.  I have the opportunity to enjoy the loud of my own family and the silence of the Dick’s family.  Spending time with both always poses each a unique set of challenges.  I’ve learned that I must tone down my crazy for the Dick’s family and amp up the crazy for my own.  I’ve learned that trying to mesh the two families together leaves everyone slightly off-kilter and feeling out of sorts and therefore, embrace separate times with separate families.  Everyone can only handle so much of the other.


My penis people are a wonderfully glorious lil mixture of both families.  Loving and hugging and smoochies always…..but their love is also measured in the number of well-placed bruises that they leave one another with.  They bicker and fight…..and then generally hug it out and move on to happier things.  I’m hoping, in the blending of the introverted quiet of one side and the extroverted loudness of the other, that there will be a happy balance that will make them truly great people that I will one day thrust upon the world.   LOOKOUT WORLD!! I hope that  they will know sometimes you speak your mind and speak it loudly…..but will also understand that there is strength in their quiet resolve.